


The Blood on My Hands Scares Me to Death

by danehemmings



Series: Kakashi/Obito Drabbles [6]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Gen, Guy appears briefly, M/M, lots of talk about blood?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 16:36:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10575237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danehemmings/pseuds/danehemmings
Summary: Obito sinks to his knees, panting, horrified, staring at the fallen shinobi. He lifts his hands, and gasps when he sees them, dripping red. Tears fill his eyes, but he can't wipe them away. Can’t let the red spread anywhere else.“Crybaby,” Kakashi crouches down in front of him. He dumps water over Obito’s hands.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "I'll Be Good" by Jaymes Young.

Obito sinks to his knees, panting, horrified, staring at the fallen shinobi. He lifts his hands, and gasps when he sees them, dripping red. Tears fill his eyes, but he can't wipe them away. Can’t let the red spread anywhere else.

“Crybaby,” Kakashi crouches down in front of him. He dumps water over Obito’s hands.

Kakashi didn't get a drop of red on him. Obito hates him for it. He looks for Rin, watches her helping the wounded. She’s covered in it- in blood, and it’s only getting worse as she works. Obito shudders. Kakashi cleans Obito's hands. He makes Obito stand, and inspects him for injuries. As if he’s so incompetent that he must have gotten hurt.

“I'm fine,” He snaps, pushing up his goggles to wipe his eyes. He makes sure to keep his gaze on Kakashi and not the dead behind him.

Kakashi rolls his eyes, “You didn't seem like it, the way you were whimpering.”

“Something got in my eye is all,” Obito says, folding his arms across his chest, “You're the one mom-ing me.”

“It'd be annoying if you were unable to help complete the mission.”

Obito scowls as Kakashi places his hands on his shoulders. Kakashi stares into his eyes in a creepy manner. Someone screams, making Obito jump, but Kakashi doesn’t flinch. His grip tightens ever so slightly.

“You’re not fine,” Kakashi states. Obito tries to look away, but Kakashi shakes him, “That’s normal, crybaby.”

It doesn’t seem normal to Obito. Shinobi face blood and death all the time, and none of the good ones are fazed by it. He’s going to be Hokage someday, and a Hokage can’t be horrified by the idea of killing enemies.

Kakashi sighs, “Obito.”

“You think I’m not cut out for this?” Obito says defensively. 

Kakashi doesn’t respond, but it’s written all over his face that he thinks Obito is an idiot. Obito shrugs out of his grip, and stomps towards where Minato is surveying the wreckage their battle left behind. Kakashi doesn’t follow.

“Hey, Obito,” Minato smiles warmly at him, “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine!”, Obito says forcefully, then immediately regrets it. Minato, unlike Kakashi, doesn’t treat Obito as an incompetent child, “Sorry.”

“It’s quite alright. This is your first time fighting in a war. It’s going to be hard for a while, but I know you can get through it.”

“Thanks,” Obito mumbles. How can he ‘get though’ murdering people?

Minato tilts his head, observing Obito’s defeated air, and says gently, “If you ever need to talk, you can always come to me, Obito. About anything.”

“I know that,” Obito says, but he doesn’t intend to take up his sensei on that offer. Not about this at least. It took a lot to prove himself to Minato, and he doesn’t want to risk losing his sensei’s respect.

~~

Obito doesn’t speak to Rin until the following day, when they’ve made it back to Konoha and she’s cleaned herself of other’s insides. They meet at Ichiraku’s for lunch, and they talk about everything but the war until they both have set aside their bowls. 

Rin folds her hands in her lap and takes a breath in before breaching the topic, “I hated yesterday.”

“Me too,” Obito admits, a bit surprised that Rin felt the same.

“I’m a medic, and it feels counterintuitive to be taking lives instead of saving them,” Rin explains.

“Think of all the people here,” Obito reasons, “You’re saving their lives.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Rin gives him a tight smile.

“We’ll have to get used to it, I guess.”

“No,” Rin says sharply, “I don’t think we should ever get used to it.”

“Why not?” Doesn’t she want the battles to get easier?

“The moment we stop caring, we lose our chance at peace,” Rin says, “Most shinobi are so desensitized to all the fighting that they think it’s normal. No one considers a world without it all.”

Obito doesn’t know what to say. He’s moved by Rin’s words, but more because they mean he doesn’t have to be ashamed of hating the sight of blood, than because he agrees.

“I saw you after the battle yesterday,” Rin continues, “I don’t think you should have to suppress those feelings. They are what set you apart from all the others, what makes you such a good person.”

Obito’s face heats up, “Th- thank you.”

“I mean it,” Rin leans over to peck him on the cheek, “I’m so lucky to be your friend.”

“Yeah,” Obito’s heart sinks, “I’m lucky, too.”

Obito pays for their meal, and walks Rin home. He doesn’t particularly feel like going back to his empty house, so he heads to the training fields. There, he runs into a father showing his daughter how to throw shuriken, and he turns right around instinctively. On his way, he thinks over what Rin said, and wonders if she’s right. If shinobi remembered the impact of death, would the war rage on?

He crashes into someone’s back as he’s climbing the steps to his house. “Kakashi?” Obito gapes, pulling his teammate back on his feet.

“You should pay more attention to where you’re walking,” Kakashi admonishes.

“Thanks for the advice, Bakashi,” Obito unlocks his door and pushes inside, “Did you need something?”

“I wanted to check on you,” Kakashi follows Obito inside. They stand awkwardly in the hall.

“I told you I’m fine,” Obito replies. Kakashi clearly doesn’t believe him. “I mean it; I’m fine,” Obito repeats, “You don’t need to babysit me.”

“I’m not -,” Kakashi stops mid sentence and fold his arms, “We’re teammates. It’s important that we take care of each other.”

As though all his previous insults and punches had been taking care of Obito. “Right,” Obito says, vexed.

Kakashi stares creepily, like he had the day before. Obito hold his gaze. They stay like that for a few uncomfortable minutes, and then Kakashi breathes in deeply and uncrosses his arms.

“I want to take care of you,” He declares.

Obito’s eyebrows raise to high they probably fly off his head, “What?”  
“You heard me,” Kakashi says aggressively.

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” Obito tells him.

“Yes, but I want to all the same.” Kakashi suddenly speaks to the floor instead of Obito, “I like you.”

“Yes, I’m happy we’re friends, too,” Obito says vehemently. Kakashi looks up, hurt and Obito nods towards the door, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He walks further into the house, and doesn’t turn around when he hears Kakashi leave. He can’t believe it’s gotten to the point that Kakashi thinks he’s such a liability that he has to be taken care of. Or maybe it was some cruel joke, like when Kakashi used throw papers at his head in the Academy. Either way, Obito won’t let Kakashi Hatake the biggest douchebag on the planet any closer than necessary.

~~  
In the next battle, he’s swift to avoid the splatter of blood that comes from his enemies, but not swift enough to dodge the swing of a sword into his arm. It doesn’t get any worse than that, because Minato swoops in and takes down the Kiri nin, but Obito is dripping blood for the remainder of the battle, and he’s proved Kakashi right. He’s a liability, too scared of blood to avoid simply attacks.

When the fighting dies down, there’s a lot of nin with worse injuries than his, and so he has to wait and watch his own blood trickle down his arm. He can’t bear to look, but he can’t look away either. He ends up crouching behind the medical tent, dry heaving, hating himself for it despite Rin’s words. It’s a minor injury, and he can’t handle it.

A comforting hand rubs his back, but Obito jerks away when he realizes it Kakashi. He lands on his ass, and Kakashi sits down beside him. Obito glares, but Kakashi doesn’t comment on his injury. He places pulls his water canteen out, and offers it to Obito.

“I don’t need to be taken care of,” Obito insists, ignoring the water.

Kakashi glances at Obito’s bloody arm, and sighs. “This is nothing,” Obito insists, “I don’t need your help.”

“I know you don’t!” Kakashi snaps.

Obito feels some of his anger dissipate, “Good.” He keeps a watchful eye on Kakashi, but his teammate doesn’t nothing besides give him that creepy stare. The silence stretches on for an uncomfortable amount of time, and Obito’s arm throbs with pain.

“Obito,” Kakashi starts,” When I said I like you, I meant-” 

He’s cut off by the arrival of a medic ninja, who ushers Obito inside the tent to Rin, who fusses over him as though he’d been stabbed in the heart instead of sliced on the arm.  
~~

Kakashi becomes a jounin, proving once again how much more talented he is than Obito. He can’t help but feel extremely jealous, especially with how Rin reacts. She looks at Kakashi the way girls in cartoons look at their crushes - with intense heart eyes. He’s mollified only by that fact that Rin pulls him aside to ask him to meet her later in secret. He goes to the Yamanaka flower shop, and nearly purchases a bouquet of roses, but then he overhears Guy and Genma whispering about meeting in the exact place he’d agreed to meet Rin, and he reconsiders.

It turns out to have been the right decision, because although he and Rin are the first to arrive, many more follow. Their whole graduating class turns out, just to figure out what gift to buy Kakashi. Rin tells him five times that she thinks Kakashi would love to get a gift from him, most of all. He’s never loathed Kakashi more than in that moment.

Kakashi doesn’t deserve Rin’s affections. He treats her as though she doesn’t exist half the time. Obito always pays attention to Rin, takes in and values what she has to say. It feels so incredibly unfair that Kakashi would get everything Obito’s ever wanted.

The next mission they get assigned isn’t fighting on the front lines, to Obito’s delight. Instead they’re going to be destroying a bridge, which won’t involve any actual killings. On their way, they stop so that Minato and Rin can give Kakashi his congratulations presents. Kakashi, the asshole, is impressed with neither, and holds out a hand to Obito, expecting a gift.

“I forgot,” Obito lies. Kakashi’s disappointment shows in his eyes, but he only scoffs and turns to march on. Rin gives him a look that shows that she, too, is disappointed. Obito feels guilty, for her, not for scummy Kakashi.

They following day, they part ways with Minato. What Minato had explained about Kakashi - it makes Obito put an effort into not being completely unreasonable, for the time being at least. Kakashi is as aggravating as ever, unfortunately. 

“What are you planning to get me, Obito?” Kakashi asks for the hundredth time as they cross a pond. “A pair of goggles? I’d love them,” the sarcasm is evident in his voice.

“I’m going to give you a pile of shit,” Obito says crossly. He’s been trying to be nicer but it’s nearly impossible.

“Boys, please stop,” Rin pleads. Obito is amazed by her patience with the two of them.

“You’d let me take care of your shit?’ Kakashi feigns surprise, “I don’t believe it.”

“Kakashi-!” Rin’s voice is cut off, and the two boys turn around, only to see her disappear.

~~

Obito sees nothing but darkness, but he feels Rin clutching his hand, and hears Kakashi sniffling. Then Rin lets go, and the thundering of rocks falling drowns out any words she or Kakashi might have said. Obito is thankful he can’t see the blood that’s surely gushing out of him.

~~

He wakes to an old man peering over him creepily, much like Kakashi would. He nearly has a heart attack. It turns out Madara Uchiha has saved him and kidnapped him. Obito can’t do shit to escape, because he can barely move, so he has to rely on the Madara’s weird servants while the man himself sleeps.

Madara claims to want some sort of fucked up world peace, and Obito is scared shitless as to how he fits into that plan. Because he must fit into it, otherwise Madara wouldn’t have bothered to save him. He needs to get back to Kakashi and Rin and Minato and Kushina.

~~  
There’s red everywhere. Blood dripping onto him like rain. He’s full of rage, and it doesn’t matter where the blood goes because these disgusting people need to die for when they did. And they do die. They go screaming, terrified of whatever Obito has become in this moment. He’s drenched in their blood, but what does it matter anymore.

Obito clutches Rin’s lifeless body and weeps. He kneels in the lake of blood he created, and sobs for an eternity. He stays hunched over long enough for the warmth to start to fade from her. Long enough to hear a gasp to his left.

He reacts instantly, straightening and whipping around, intending to kill. But- it’s Kakashi.

Kakashi’s crying so hard he can barely speak, but he does all the same. “Obito?”

“You killed her,” Is all Obito can say, is all he can think. 

Kakashi’s eyes are fixed on the body in Obito’s arms. He nods jerkily.

“You promised -” Obito has to swallow a lump in his throat, “You said you’d take care of her.”

Kakashi nods again. Obito isn’t satisfied. He gently lets Rin’s body fall back into the pool of blood, and staggers over to where Kakashi has fallen to his knees. He punches, as hard as he can, and Kakashi makes a broken noise, but doesn’t resist. Obito needs Kakashi to fight back. He keeps punching, but Kakashi makes no effort to stop him.

Obito grabs Kakashi and shakes him, “Fight back!”  
“No,” Kakashi whispers. Obito’s anger leaves him in a rush. Nothing pours in to replace it. He flops to the side, away from Kakashi. He’s dripping red. He stares at the mess he’s made, at all the shinobi dead, and feels nothing. Finally, the guts of a real shinobi. Meaningless, now.

The moment we stop caring, we lose our chance at peace. 

A peaceful world was what Rin wanted. What Madara wants. Obito crawls to his feet. He doesn’t bother to look at Rin one last time. Each memory of her has already been etched into his brain. With Madara, maybe he could make new memories with her. He’s at the edge of the forest when Kakashi tackles him. They crash to the ground, and Obito kicks out, but Kakashi pins him down. The adrenaline from earlier has left Obito’s still weak body, and he can’t muster the energy to draw on his chakra and shake Kakashi off.

“What do you want?” He goes limp, but Kakashi keeps holding him down.

“You can’t just leave,” Kakashi whispers. He’s still crying, Obito realizes.

“Why do you care what I do?” Obito thinks he knows, but he loves Rin, and always will, so what does it matter?

“Please, stay, come back to Konoha. You still have me, and Minato and Kushina,” Kakashi pleads.

“Rin’s all I ever had, and you killed her,” Obito says. He watches the agony his words cause contort Kakashi’s face. 

“I know I don’t deserve it, but I can’t lose you again, Obito, please,” Obito considers it. Kakashi doesn’t seem as though he’d make it if Obito abandoned him. But what does he care?

“I can find a way to make this better, if I leave,” Obito says hesitantly.

“You can’t reverse it, I’m sorry- I-” Kakashi rolls off of him to sob. Obito watches him, but doesn’t feel anything but blank. He can always go back to Madara later.

“Kakashi!” A desperate sounding voice calls from where Rin’s body lies. Minato. Obito stares blankly at his sensei as he runs to them.

Kakashi doesn’t look up; too busy crying, until Minato stops short to exclaim, “Obito?!”

Yesterday Obito would have been overjoyed to see his sensei, but now it makes him uneasy. He has nothing to say to Minato. Nothing, except:

“You should have been here.”

Minato is pained by this, and he nods jerkily, as Kakashi had. “You’re right. I screwed up.”

“She jumped in front of Kakashi’s lightning blade.” Obito says, glancing at Kakashi. He’s never seen Kakashi without complete composure. The way Kakashi is now, he’s an entirely different person.

“I killed her,” Kakashi sobs.

Minato shakes his head, “No, you didn’t.” He crouches down and pulls Kakashi into a hug. 

~~

After getting grilled with questions about how the hell he’s alive and what the hell happened to Rin, Obito is trapped inside the hospital. They keep him for weeks, making sure that he’s made a full recovery from getting crushed, and from the some of the trauma that followed. For the first two weeks, he remains in a state of shock, unfeeling and dazed. Then, things start to get better.

Minato visits a few times a week, sometimes with Kushina. The two of them help to cheer him up greatly. He never sees Kakashi. He’s happy with that, for a while, but when they figure out what the Kiri nin did to Rin, Obito becomes eager to see Kakashi. Eager to apologize for blaming him for Rin’s death.

When he’s discharged from the hospital, after a month and a half, the first place he goes isn’t to his old house, but to knock on the door to Kakashi’s apartment. He gets no answer. He visits Rin’s grave instead, and later joins Kushina and Minato for dinner.

The following day, he knocks again at Kakashi’s door, but still gets no answer. He takes a week of this, before he trudges over to Guy’s house.

Guy, of course, answers on the first knock.

“Obito!” Guy pulls Obito into a hug, and drags him inside, “I’m so happy to see you alive and well!”

“Yeah,” Obito says awkwardly,” It’s good to see you too.”

Guy makes him a cup of tea, and they sit in the living room, Obito uncomfortable all the while. He’d never been that close with Guy, though Guy treats him as if they’re good friends.

“So,” Guy says, setting his mug down, “You’re here to talk about Kakashi?”

“Uh, yeah. I - he won’t see me.”

“He won’t see much of anyone really,” Guy says cheerily, “But you’ve got to make him see you!”

Obito sets down his own mug, “I doubt he’d appreciate that.”

“Doesn’t matter, my young friend, doesn’t matter at all. He’s in a rough spot, and we’re here to help him out whether he wants us to or not.”

“Right,” Obito says. Kakashi is the only reason Obito ended up coming back to this village. He can’t beg Obito to stick around and then not stick around himself.

~~

Obito tells himself he’ll barge into Kakashi’s apartment first thing the next morning, but it’s all he can think about and he can’t wait that long. He climbs through Kakashi’s window (he may have broken the lock) at one in the morning.

Kakashi is laying on his bed, his eyes wide open and staring up at the ceiling.

“I don’t want to see you,” Kakashi mumbles.

“Is it the scars? I know they’re pretty ugly,” Obito ventures closer to the bed, and Kakashi rolls over to face away from him.

“I don’t want to see anyone.”

“You’re pretty moody. You sure you don’t have any Uchiha blood?”

“Leave me alone, Obito.”

“You begged me to stay.”

Kakashi is silent at this. Obito kicks off his shoes and lays down next to Kakashi, “I’m staying.” He hears Kakashi sniffle, and pulls him into his arms. This makes Kakashi burst into tears, and Obito kisses his forehead and holds him tighter but says nothing.

He wakes up with Kakashi still in his arms. When he blinks his eyes open, Kakashi is staring up at him. “Morning,” He says groggily. Kakashi smiles weakly. Obito remember his purpose in coming here in the first place.

“You know it’s not your fault, Kakashi,” He says, keeping his eyes locked with Kakashi’s.

“If it weren’t for me-”

“Everyone in Konoha would be dead if it weren’t for you,” Obito says fiercely, “And I’m sorry for making you think otherwise.”

Kakashi’s eyes well up, and he gives Obito a half smile, “You’re alive.”

Obito nods, “I’m alive.”

~~

**Author's Note:**

> Erm haven't even attempted to edit this so I'm sorry for any mistakes. This started out as me pondering why Obito wears gloves and thinking maybe he doesn't like getting blood on his hands but then this is what happened oops.


End file.
